A teen in lockdown.

I WAS HAPPY, REALLY HAPPY, ecstatic; just like every other child would’ve been upon finding out about the lockdown. The boundless joy I experienced on discovering I wouldn’t have to go to school for atleast another month. It was unusual of me to feel so. I’ve been known to have a slightly introverted personality, which probably explains why I was quite happy when most others were not; while all my friends cried over how they couldn’t meet, i smiled at the opportunity of being able to be by myself in the comfort of my room. Even after 4 months, I still carry the same smile, experience the same good feeling. I remember having sessions from school on dealing with mental health or stress during the pandemic maybe due to less social interaction, but for some reason i didnt feel an ounce of it; I had every bit of satisfaction. Right now, the only worry I have is the thought of how I am going to face humans outside my house after all of this is over. What if i have lost my ability to hold conversations? At the begginning everything might’ve been a bit confusing. It felt like another month in which i had to deal with online classes and struggle to get out of bed early in the morning. I barely could open my tired eyes at 8:30 in the morning. I always felt exhausted. Then during the may vacation my schedule made me feel so useless, so unproductive. I experienced so much guilt. Days passed by within minutes. This was something everyone could agree on. I was not the only one. I thought to myself, “I could do better than cry all day and end up regretting so much waste of my time.” I thought of people who couldnt afford a meal and those that struggles to live through this. And then I thought about how we called sitting in luxurious air conditioned rooms a hard life just because we get distracted so easily? I couldnt afford to spend any more time cribbing, I didn’t want to feel like a fool. I realised it’s better late than never. I realised scrolling through instagram till my thumb ached wouldn’t fetch me good or get me rid of that guilt at all. It was a great idea to paint or to read or to workout and do things that would make me feel healthy, fresh and peaceful before I hit my bed.
I noticed the joy on my mom’s face when she saw a book (other than the academic textbooks) in my hand. She smiled at me and said, “I am so happy today, what a surprise”. Her motive for the last 15 years was always to get me to read something out of the box.
I think more than anything else, this pandemic has helped me discover the little things that bring me joy, My dad, being a doctor, wasn’t staying with us; So be it spending time with my parents or my own little space and understanding how amazing it is to be grateful for all i have!

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